Big Empty
by teamoangelus
Summary: Angel comes to see Buffy after she comes back from Heaven...more inside
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Big Empty  
**Author: **Elizabeth  
**Started: **March 15, 2006...well technically the 13th in English but yea haha

**Disclaimer: **Boy do I wish I owned some then CalArts wouldn't be out of the question…so that's a no I don't own anything but the idea

**Summary: **This is and AU story set after season 6 when Buffy comes back from heaven. Angel comes and there we have it! B/A all the way hehe

**AN:** okay so hi! This is my fist fic since I was around 12 so I don't really expect much from this other then to get back into the swing of things.

She sat on the roof watching the stars dot the dark Californian sky. This action was becoming a habit for Buffy Summers. It was the one place she could come and think on both past and present. The past year had been one full of heartache, first the death of her mother, her sister being taken, then her own death.

_Can this year get any worse_? She thought to herself. "Of course it can, this **is** Sunnydale." Standing up stretching the stiffness from her legs before climbing in threw her window. Slightly grinning to herself as memories filter in of herself as a young girl climbing in and out of that window, normally returning from a sweep of the cemeteries with her then life. _Angel_. His name alone sent chills down her spin. It had been so long she thought, "too long".

"Buffy! We're leaving you sure you don't want to come?" Dawns perky voice called from outside the door thus pulling Buffy from her thoughts.

Making her way to the door she braced her self. _Look happy just keep on smiling_. Pulling the door open, putting forth her best grin "No I think im going to stay in, go to bed early. Im sorta tired." Nodding while folding her arms around her chest. Rubbing them slightly trying to take the chill she'd gotten from outside off.

Trying to hold in her disappointment Dawn moved in on the next thing on her mind before leaving "You okay? You look-" eyeing her sister some "depressed…" In full honesty she was worried about her big sister. It wasn't only Dawn though. Everyone was. But they all put it off to her being pulled from a hell dimension.

"Yea I just didn't sleep good last night." It wasn't a full out lie, she hadn't slept well. But her not sleeping well and the lack of will to go out were nowhere on the same playing field. _Its too soon_ she thought. _How can I go out in a world I don't want to be in? Its too much_.

By the time she realized she'd zoned out Dawn had already told her alright and was half way down the stairs. She wanted to yell wait, to make sure her sister would be back but she didn't. It didn't matter if she came back, it wouldn't change anything. Just one more responsibility added to the on-going pile.

Get a job. Pay the never-ending bills. Slay. Take care of sister and friends. Be mom. The stress of it all was killing her. "But that's the rub isn't it?" Sighing as she descended the stairs, "Another night of going threw the motions." because in fact that's all she was doing. She knew it and if any of her friends looked close enough they could see it too. But they didn't. They were just happy to have her back.

Taking a seat on the couch turning on a movie. _Good mindless entertainment_ she thought as she curled up, pulling a pillow to her chest and hugging it close.

About an hour into the movie she wasn't so sure this was the right thing to be watching. "Oh that's real smart Michael invite the head vampire into your home, some man of the house you are…moron." Rolling her eyes at the TV. Ever since becoming the slayer watching vampire movies had lost their flair. When you're up against the undead on a nightly bases Edward Herman as the chief bad guy just doesn't cut it.

A knock at the door pulled her from her critical thoughts. Getting up, making her way to the door she wondered who it could be. "Dawn did you forget your keys? The door is unlock-" pulling the door open she froze. Everything she'd been thinking washed away by the shock.

"Buffy" he breathed out. Unable to stop himself Angel reached his hand out. He had to make sure she was there. He had to feel her skin, hold her close. He had to know she wasn't just a dream. That she wasn't dead anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch.2

Before she knew what was happening his strong arms surrounded her, closing the small gap between them. Emotions she had been holding back for the past two weeks finally began to emerge.

At first her sobs were almost silent but it was only the beginning. Heart wrenching sobs soon shook her small body. "Oh Angel" all she wanted was to hide from the world, to stay in his arms and disappear.

"Shhh" He whispered, kissing her head in an attempt to calm her. But he too was crying. _She's alive, she's here_.

"I-" Her sobs made it hard to get anything out. All the memories of waking up in her small dark coffin flooded her mind. The fear. The pain. It was all coming back.

Angel only held her tighter as though his strength could pass threw to her. _She's gotten smaller_ he realized. She wasn't the same youthful, vibrant girl he remembered. She'd changed. The look in her eyes no longer had the lust for life. When she'd opened the door, the hollow, lifeless eyes were what scared him more then her tears. "Shh Buffy I know."

Unable to hold it in any longer "No!" Pulling away from him, holding herself protectively "You don't know! Nobody knows!" She was yelling but she didn't care. Not now. Maybe not ever again. But she couldn't keep it in any more. She had to tell some one. She had to tell him.

Taking a tentative step towards her "Buffy-"

"I was in heaven!" There, she's said it. Speaking it aloud made it seem so much more real. _I was in heaven. Me. I was in paradise. And now its gone._ The hurt and pain was over whelming. The only thing left to do was break down and that's what she did.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch.3

If his heart could beat it would have stopped. _Did she just say Heaven?_ He scolded himself as he squatted down beside her. _Of course she had been in heaven. No one deserved to be there more then her._ How could he have been so stupid? How could he have thought any different? This was Buffy. **His** Buffy was in heavenSuddenly it hit him as he held her close. _She was in heaven_. "Oh God, what have we done?"

The question itself went unanswered. It didn't need one. He knew. Even the dumbest of people could understand that by her being ripped out there was a very high chance that she would not be allowed back in.

The thought alone made him feel guilty for being happy she was back.

As he looked down at the sobbing woman in his arms he honestly didn't know what to do. _How do you comfort someone after something like that? So this is why she looked so…so… Why! Why do these things always have to happen to her? _It was like the universe wanted her to pay for something that she hadn't done.

Standing up Angel carried her up the stairs deep in thought. Heading down the hall Buffy's sobs became less loud and eventually stopped.

Shifting her slightly so he could open the door he entered and was instantly assaulted by her essence. It had been so long since he'd been in here but not much had changed. The bed with the old scruffy pink pig. _Mr. Gordo_. He smiled fondly while laying her down on the bed.

Feeling him pull away from her Buffy whined and clinged tighter, not ready to speak yet but also not ready to be apart from him. She knew whining was childish but her lack of caring cured that.

"Hey" He cooed at her, sitting down next to her "I won't leave you, I promise. But I have to shut the curtains" He eased out of her reach only to get another whine from the curled up ball that once was Buffy.

Her reaction made him both smile and feel horrible. He liked feeling that she needed him but he didn't like the reason. It killed him to see her in such pain. _Pain they caused_. Okay, in his mind he knew that her friends had done it for the right reasons. They had thought she was suffering in a hell dimension. He himself had been threw that and knew it was nowhere Buffy should be. But on the other hand how could they not have believed she was somewhere good?

Pulling the curtain cord, fully closing the thing that kept him from being Cajun crispy in the morning, he looked back at her. And in that moment all the feelings he'd tried so hard to suppress came rushing too. He loved her. _I'll always love her_. But it didn't change anything.

It was a sad thought. But true. Sighing deeply he walked over to the bed, taking his position beside her. _I don't want to squish her_ he thought. But as soon as he had laid down she has curled into him, resting her head on his chest. Even in her pained sleep her body knew what made it feel better. What made things not hurt as bad.

Her Angel.

**AN:** so what do you guys think? I know its kinda slow right now but im just trying to get into writing them.

Thanks for the reviews I have gotten though  -Elizabeth


	4. Chapter 4

**CH. 4**

Buffy groaned. _I don't want to wake up yet.. stop thinking… shh… stop... now… SHH! My own brain wont even listen to me_. She didn't know what time it was but she did know she didn't want to get out of bed yet, the incidents of last night long since gone from her memory.

Angel shifted in his sleep, rolling onto his side, draping a protective arm around her. Pulling her closer to him.

Her eyes flew open. Someone was in bed with her.

She tried to pull away but was only pulled closer. _Okay don't panic just see who it is, its probably Xander or…oh god who is it! I-_ then she felt it.

That tingle in the depths of her soul. She knew who it was.

Turning over ever so slightly in his arms, she looked intently at his face. "Angel" she whispered, bringing her hand p to trace the contours of his face. Becoming reacquainted with the face she once loved. Still loved but rarely got to see. _Wait, what am I doing_!

Squirming her way out of his arms she dashed out of the room, shutting the door slowly so she wouldn't wake him.

"Willow!" It was the only thing se could think to do. When in need call a friend. "Willow!" _Where is she_ ! Taking the stairs on two-by-two she finally was down stairs. Glancing in the living room she didn't see her friend anywhere. "Where is she?"

This was getting ridiculous. _It's a small house! How do you lose someone in a small house_! All logical reasoning was lost. The only thing she could think was _Angel is asleep in my bed, he slept with me…in my bed WHERE IS WILLOW!_

Heading for the kitchen, _She has to be in there_.

Willow stood in front of the sink about to start washing dishes when Buffy walked in looking distressed. She knew her best friend and when something was up she knew and this was on of those times.

"What's wrong?" Immediately thinking she was upset about Dawn heading off without saying good-bye.

"Angel is asleep in my head" It had come out rushed and nervous but its how she felt. She was so confused at what was going on. Small snip-its of last night coming back. _Oh crap…what did I tell him? But this wasn't the time to think about that…_

The shocked/confused look on Willows face would have been extremely amusing if this wasn't such a serious moment.

"When did he get here? Is everything okay?" A million horrible things were running threw Willows head. It had to be bad for Angel to come. _Did something happen? Is it because of Buffy? It has to be that. _

Angel cleared his throat from the doorway. He'd been standing there for only a minute but he didn't feel right just standing there. His gaze went from Buffy to Willow then back to Buffy. _She is beautiful. No, don't think about that. Nothing has changed_.

Willow squeaked and looked nervously at Buffy then to Angel. "Uh hi Angel…. You uh look really good" Nodding some. She wasn't sure what was going threw her best friend mind. Putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Angel chuckled some. _She hasn't changed_. "Thank you Willow you look good too".

"Oh I- thanks. Well I should get going" So it wasn't the best thing to do, leaving Buffy alone like this but she didn't want to be in the middle of this. _They need to talk about things. Maybe Angel can get her to open up. I hope he can. _

Grabbing her books from off the counter she hugged Buffy. Whispering in her ear "talk to him."

Buffy looked stunned. _Is she really leaving me? Just like that?_

Before leaving Willow hugged Angel and rushed for the front door. Hoping that she wasn't doing the wrong thing by leaving them like that.

An awkward silence had settled over the kitchen. _Well this is great_, Buffy thought. _I may as well do something if we're just going to stand around_. Casually turning on the water she began to wash the dishes Willow left.

Angel didn't know what to say. _How do you start off a conversation after knowing what she's been threw? 'Um hey you told me you were in heaven last night! Want to watch a movie?' doesn't cut it_.

Unable to stand the silence any more he went for it. "Buffy i-"

Already knowing where this was going she cut him off "no."

"I know you-"

"No." _What doesn't he get? I don't want to talk about it_.

Normally he'd have gotten annoyed by this. But this wasn't someone not wanting to just listen. This was about someone's life that was now changed. It wasn't going to be easy. "I know you were in heaven"

She stared down at her hands under the water. _He did know. Don't cry. Hold it in. Buffy Anne Summers! Don't cry! _But it was too late the tears were already welling up. She was too lost in her thoughts to notice him come stand behind her.

Wrapping his arms around her he held her. He could feel the pain radiating off her in waves. It was unbearable.

Turning into him, hiding her face in her hands as the tears broke free of their prison. She knew it must seem weak to him but he's the only one who would ever see her cry. He was the only one she could fully open up to.

Angel did the only thing he could do. He held her and spoke calming words to her.

But nothing had changed.

Or had it?


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: **Okay so since this is Buffy season 6 that would make it Angel season 3. Now I don't know about you but I didn't really like the whole Connor thing (leading to ew-ness with Cordelia) so I'm just going to "ignore" the fact that Darla got pregnant )

And sorry if letters are missing or words spelled wrong I don't have a Beta reader so with that said on to Chapter 5… ye-hoo!

Ch. 5 

The sun was starting to set now. It had been hours of talking and tears, both happy and sad.

Buffy had shared about how Riley had left. A thing that still confused her on some level. She'd thought she had loved him. But it wasn't love. _How could it be love when you have already given your heart away _she had once thought. He had tried to make her love him but it just wasn't enough. She didn't need someone who could take her out into the sunlight. Who could give her children and happiness. She needed someone who would have her back. Someone who would love her for who she was. Understand her faults but love the greatness about her. Someone who could look past the slayer and see Buffy for who she was.

And that person was currently holding her in his arms letting her get everything out.

_Why doesn't he get this is what I need_? She thought while listening to him share about Darla being brought back.

"I tried to save her" sounding more broken then he'd meant to. Hanging his head in shame. Its not that he loved Darla. He hadn't.

But it's also hard to stand around and watch people mess with someone's life like that. It wasn't fare.

Bringing her hand to rest on his cheek "You did everything you could Angel. You stood up for her, fought for her. How could you know that they were going to bring Drusilla in and have her changed. It wasn't your fault."

She understood where he was coming from. Although it did sting some to have him feel so deeply about another woman, let alone this woman was Darla the one who tried to kill her years before. But she understood.

"Buffy- I-" He had no words. _How can she be so compassionate when her own world is falling apart_? Looking down at her he noticed the small smile twitching at her lips. It warmed his non-beating heart. "You're smiling."

Not expecting that Buffy tried to frown, failing miserably at it. "Am not." _Damn its hard not to smile when I'm with you…grrr…you suck_. Trying to suppress her laugh that threatened to come out because of her internal musings.

Poking her cheek slightly. "You were too, don't try to hide it I know you were." Chuckling some. It was nice to be able to not think about the bad things.

Losing her control she cracked up, laughing heartily. _Why is this so funny_! She had no idea but nonetheless it was funny as all get out.

Finding himself too wearing down Angel soon found himself laughing along with her. _What is wrong with me_? He questioned. He wasn't one to laugh much, and this certainly wasn't a laughing matter. But he couldn't help it.

They were laughing so hard that they didn't even notice the door opening.

"ANGEL!" Dawn squealed. Of all the people she thought she'd find in bed with her sister laughing like that Angel had been nowhere on the list. Hell he was nowhere in the country for that one.

Trying to get himself back under some form of calm, he wiped his eyes. "Hey Dawnie"


	6. Chapter 6

CH. 6 She always has to come interrupt! God she is so my bratty little sister Buffy thought as Dawn bound into the room and continued to hug Angel. 

"What are you doing here?" the teen asked excitedly. She hadn't seen Angel in what seemed like forever. Now granted her memories of him weren't really hers but that didn't matter. All that mattered was one of her favorite people was here.

Having recovered from his extreme un-him like moment Angel straightened up and smiled warmly at the young woman before him. "I came to see Buffy and check up on you."

So it was a partial truth. He had come to see Buffy but not really to check up on Dawn. But in a situation like this he didn't see any harm in telling the girl that he was there for her as well. He loved her as well, but nothing as strong as his feelings for Buffy.

His answer made Dawn grin from ear to ear. _He came to check on me_. It made her feel important. Like she mattered. Since her moms death everyone had been treating her like a child. Even before her moms death they had. 'Oh Dawn isn't big enough to know this' 'its too dangerous'. She was sick of being treated as a child. She was 16 years old, she didn't need to be treated with kid gloves anymore.

"Are you staying long?" she prodded. _Please say yes_.

That was a hard question to answer. _How am I suppose to answer that_ he thought. On one hand he wanted to stay forever. He'd give anything to be able to stay with his love. But on the other hand he had responsibilities in LA that he couldn't ignore either.

Buffy's ears perked up at Dawn's question. Although she didn't want to admit it she too had been wondering that same thing. _Yeah how long are you staying? Or is this yet another of Angels famous 'Im here for you' then leaves skits. That's what he's good at. Leaving._ It was cynical but it was also true.

Taking an unneeded breath he glanced back at Buffy's expectant eyes. It was as though he could read her thoughts. _She expects me to leave_. It killed him to think that, be he could see in her eyes that that was what she thought. _Why would it be any different? I haven't shown her anything else_.

After what seemed like forever he turned back to Dawn. "I'm going to stay as long as you want me."

_Wait? What? _Had she heard him right? Buffy looked at him, the sock apparent on her features. _Did he just say he's going to stay?_

Dawns excited squeal and rushed hug was Buffy's proof. He was staying.

Chuckling some Angel hugged Dawn back. He was happy that he'd made her so excited but what he really wanted to do was to see Buffy's expression. He hadn't intended to say he was going to stay. In fact he was about to say he was leaving in a day or so. But at the last second something in his screamed not to. There was something here he had to do.

Slowly coming out of her shock Buffy pulled herself off the bed. Her mind on overtime thinking about what had just happened. Why it had happened. What was going to happen. Question after question popped up in her head.

It was starting to feel very crowded in her room. She had to get out. She had to think. Making her way to the door she left, heading for the bathroom.

Frowning some "What's wrong with her?" Dawn asked. She thought her sister would be happy with the news that Angel was going to be staying.

Standing up as quick as he could Angel was at the door before Dawn even finished her question. "uh- I'm not sure…" With that he rushed out of Buffy's room and down the hall, grabbing her by the elbow just as she walked in the bathroom. "Hey what's wrong?"

_YOU CONFUSE ME!_ Her brain screamed. _You show up out of no where and now youre going to stay? What are you playing at! Why do you do this to me! Why do you get me twisted up inside! _But did she say that? No. Of course not.

Stammering out the first thing off the top of her mind "I have to use the bathroom." Scrunching her face some in confusion, trying to pull off her lie.

Eyeing her some, he didn't believe her. But if she needed to be away from him he'd give her that. Because in truth he needed to think about what he had just done too.

"Oh, okay." With that he let go of her arm and smiled some. To his surprise she smiled back at him. A small half hearted smile, but a smile nonetheless.

Walking down the stairs he dug in his pocket for his cell. He had to make the call to his friends in LA that his once thought two day trip to Sunnydale was now indefinite.


	7. Chapter 7

CH. 7 

Okay so it wasn't the smartest thing to do but she felt she had no other option. She had to get out of the house and she knew both Angel and Dawn would be waiting to pounce on her when she came out. What was there left to do?

_I can't believe I just climbed out of a bathroom window_ she thought. Mumbling as she made her way to Restfield Cemetery "I am getting to old for this."

Her body was tense she needed a release. And what was better then beating on the undead for a few hours?

Twirling her stake in her hands Buffy tried to ignore the events of the past two days. _Just think about slaying… WHY IS HE STAYING!… that's not slaying… slay… demon… soul… god damn it! _

She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice the vampire coming up behind her.

It wasn't until she was face first in the slightly wet grass did she realize she was even being followed. Turning over and jumping to her feet, she was ready to face off. _Well this is nice, now Angel is getting me so distracted I'm getting taken down by the pimple patrol_.

"Y'er quick but I'm-" attempting to punch her in the face only to have it blocked. He had no idea who she was. All he knew is she was hot food waiting for his taking and damn it he was going to eat tonight! Finally landing a punch to Buffy, sending her stumbling back, getting her disoriented long enough for him to grab her. "-quicker."

This was nothing, flipping the vampire over her shoulder and shoving the stake down "some energizer bunny you are." It was lame but it was the best she could think of with he mind so muddled. Wiping the dust from her jeans she continued her walk threw the cemeteries.

Angel just finished his phone call explaining to Cordelia why he wouldn't be back for a while and after a rather heated conversation, a bonus and paid vacation later she was okay to keep Angel Investigations going.

It wasn't like he was compensating, okay he was. He knew it. But oh well. It didn't matter as long as things would be taken care of while he was gone. He had more important things to take care of right now.

One of those things happened to be up stairs in the bathroom.

Walking into the kitchen, he smiled as he watched Dawn move about the kitchen singing some song he didn't know. "Hey."

Looking over at him she grinned. "Hey Angel, want some?" She was currently making peanut butter and honey tortillas. During the summer she had found out you could live off of tortillas. Some things like peanut butter and bananas on a tortilla however just should be left alone. But for the most part you really couldn't go wrong.

Inspecting the rolled up thing he felt he couldn't say no. "Sure why not." It wasn't something he would normally eat but it wouldn't hurt. He hoped.

"Really?" She hadn't expected him to accept. No one ever accepted her food. Not even Tara on most days. _Wow he wants my creation_! Handing over a plate with the rolled up goodness she was excited to see how he'd react.

_Maybe this wasn't such a good idea_ he thought. It smelled okay but it was just the thought of a tortilla and peanut butter. _There's just something unnatural about it_.

He didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying no after saying he wanted it, but he didn't really want to try it now either after closer inspection. Putting it back on the plate he looked at Dawn, "Has your sister come out of the bathroom yet?"

It was the safest way to get out of eating this thing in front of him and it would tell him if Buffy was out. Win win either way.

Laughing some "you know she's not up there."

"What do you mean" _why wouldn't she be up there_? He thought. Then it dawned on him. _She snuck out! Why would she do that? Does she have such a problem with me that she would leave with out even telling me_?

Getting up from his spot " Dawn I have to-"

"I know you have to go find her." She was use to it, everyone always left. At least he knew he would be back. In theory he would.

Noticing her slight change in mood "Yea… but I'll be back and here" he picked up his PB and honey tortilla, "I'll take it with me."

This brightened Dawn up some. He was happy about that. Leaving the house he looked around, trying to get her sent or better yet the tingle. Like she had said three years ago 'when you're around, whether I see you or not I feel you inside'. Even after all those years he could still feel her inside. She was his Buffy. She always would be.

AN: Thanks for all the reviews! And don't look at me crazy but you _can _do anything with tortillas! And the peanut butter and honey thing is really good ) haha that's all :grin:


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: **I am soooooo sorry! School has been crazy lately and family life isn't so great and I've sorta just spaced on this. BUT have no fear spring break is here! And I'll try to at least do two updates before its over, maybe three if I can focus : )

CH. 8 

It was sadly a quiet night. Not the vampire filled, action packed, crazy chaotic night she'd wanted. In fact it was abnormally quiet. She hadn't had any action since that sad excuse of a vampire.

Sighing out of sheer boredom Buffy had no idea what to do now. It was too early to go back, _plus if I go back it'll be pointed looks questions I don't want to answer and I'll have to fix this _she thought, feeling the little hole just below her back pocket.

"Where are all the evil-y things!" she asked the nothing around her. This was really not doing anything to keep her mind off things, thus proving evil is evil because it wasn't here to distract her.

"Wow I haven't been this worked in years" rolling her eyes as she sits on a head stone, twirling her steak. _God what would I be with out sarcasm_ she thought.

Swaying a little bit she hummed to the song that now popped in her head. "… it's the end of the world you said" Mumbling out some of the words to The Cures Plainsong. She hadn't the faintest idea why is was in her head but the slow melody seemed calming.

Getting a little more confidence in herself, and seeing how no one was around she figured why not and sang a bit louder, not much mind you but just enough. "… and its so cold! Its like the cold if you were dead and then you smiled."

Chiding herself "Can even think of a song without thinking of him, great what next will he be intruding on baking? I don't do it but hey if I know now I wont even start!" Huffing her frustrations out.

"Who's intruding on your baking?"

The unexpected voice made her jump and stumble off the head stone, stake at the ready. Upon seeing who it was though she lowered the stake slowly, glaring some. "Make a noise next time."

Angel frowned. _Why is she mad for once I didn't do anything! Im not leaving! _It seemed anything he did wasn't right. He left she died. She comes back he says he's going to stay to help her and she gets huffy. What was he suppose to do?

"Sorry I though you could… I thought you could feel" It cut him more then he'd let on. Had they been apart so long that she couldn't feel him like he could her? "So… uh… Ever tried peanut butter and honey on a tortilla?" Intent on changing the subject to a less off with your head topics.

Even if his face didn't show how he was feeling, his eyes did. He was hurt. She'd hurt him. _Damn_ she cursed herself. _He was being nice, you are such a jerk Buffy._ "Angel… I do feel, I was just… thinking. Deep thinking." It was lame but true. Looking at his hand at the rolled up tortilla, she couldn't help but laugh. "No I cant say I have thanks but uh- Why do you have a peanut butter and…honey? Tortilla?"

Angel chuckled and looked at the rolled up thing then back to Buffy, happy to see her expression change to one of amusement. "Dawn" he simply stated with a shrug. "She was trying it out and wanted to share, I couldn't say no."

Laughing some, she folded her arms. "You're nicer then we are" she said nodding. She loved her sister but not that much. It was taking your life in your hands when eating whatever Dawn made.

An awkward silence fell over them as the chuckles died down.

_Why is this so hard, we use to talk all the time when we were…we talked and now we cant even seem to get through a conversation_ she thought. It was weird to think they had grown so far apart.

"Time really does change people" she muttered under her breath as she sat on the ground leaning back against the head stone.

He'd heard her clearly and it stung. He knew it wasn't a deliberate jab against him but it hurt that they weren't as open any more. That that connection they'd once shared had been severed.

"You gonna stand there and brood all night or sit?" smiling up at him, trying to take the awkwardness out of the air.

A half smile tugged at his lips as he sat down in the grass beside her. Almost as if on instinct she leaned closer to him broad dominating frame, leaning against him. Her body fit so completely next to his.

Then they realized it, almost as if they had thought it at the same time. The silence that loomed over them was not awkward. It was content silence.

**AN: **Its not long but I'll try to make the next one longer. Saddly I still have no idea where im taking this (if you have ideas you could so tell me haha). But I do know that Disintegration (the album with Plainsong on it) by The Cure is an amazing album and you should look into it!


	9. Chapter 9

CH.9 

After what seemed like forever of silence and occasionally conversation Buffy decided it was time to head home.

"Some patrol" she drawled while walking down the middle of the street, not worrying about an on coming car it being Sunnydale and all.

"Yea… it was really quiet. Was it always like that?" It seemed weird that nothing happened. Maybe he had been gone so long that most of the evil had shipped out. _That's dumb why would they leave when the hell mouth is here_ he thought.

"Yes well when you sit in on place behind a head stone things tend not to happen."

He hadn't thought about that. They had been sitting here the whole time. It had been nice though, the silence the closeness of them, it was almost as if they had slipped back into the past when they would sit in the cemetery and have a night picnic, minus the kisses of course.

Looking over at him she couldn't help but smile. _Always brooding. What could possibly make someone think that hard that much _she wondered. With out much thought she poked his arm to see if he'd even notice.

_Why did I do that? Shit look forward, act dumb_ she commanded herself.

"Did you just poke me?" He mused, the urge to laugh apparent in his voice.

Scoffing "Nooo! Why would I poke you? I'm not a child Angel." It was very unlike her to be acting like this. But for some reason when she was with him she didn't notice how hard life was. When she was with him it brought out her youthful side, the one she longed to have back.

"Ookay if you say so" he looked forward at the road. After a few minutes the temptation was far too great. He poked her back, pulling his stolid expression out as he looked ahead like he'd done nothing.

"Angel!" _Did he just poke me! ME? _The thought itself seemed absurd. It was Angel. He was always the sensible one, the one who didn't play around who always did what he thought was right.

"Hmm?" tossing a glance at her, a small half smile gingerly spreading across his face.

"You poked me!"

"Buffy, why would I poke you? I'm not a child."

Her face went to one of amused shocked. He was mocking her. _He!… ah! Are you… oh that's it!_ So she did what any mature person would do. She poked him like she'd never poked any one before.

It was war. Hands flying, laughing echoing down the street, it was priceless. If anyone had asked what she was going to be doing today getting into a poking fit with Angel would never have been a thought.

Jabbing him in the rib she took off. Sprinting as far down the street as she could. It wasn't much good because he was much faster then her, him being a vampire and all but it was all part of the game. And what a great game it was.

Angel darted after her actually laughing. It was a strange sight but one that should be repeated more often. He was about to reach out and poke her back when her laughs died down and she stood rooted in her spot.

"Buffy whats-" He looked at what she was staring at and got it. "Oh."

They had made it back to 1630 Revello Drive.

The fun and games had to stop. No more giggles no more laughs. It was back to being Super hero. Back to the reality of her life. Responsibility had once again been placed back to the top of her list and she remembered the pain that lay in wait for her the minute she stepped into that house.

"We should… We should get inside, Dawn is probably waiting." She said. The carefree perk in her voice now gone, replaced with one of gloom and sorrow.

Following her inside he couldn't help but feel bad for her. They had been having such a great time. She didn't have to pretend she didn't have to hold the world up, she could just be herself then.

He didn't know what to do. He wanted to help her get back to the life she use to know but didn't know how. But he'd be damned if he let her slip away again. He was going to help her threw this even if it killed him.

Buffy walked into the living room and paused, looking at her sleeping sister wrapped in a blanket.

Coming to stand be hind her he offered "Want me to take her up to her room?"

"Naw, she'll be fine there for tonight." Then it hit. Where was he going to sleep? "I mean no I guess we should move her unless you don't mind sharing my room."

He hadn't thought about it actually. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable I could-"

"No no its fine, I don't mind you staying in my room. Its not like we haven't slept together before." Catching what she said she back peddled. "Not slept slept…I meant sleep slept…"

Smiling at her reassuringly "I know what you meant."

"Thanks for letting me ramble then…okay well I'm…lets go" heading up the squeaky steps she wanted nothing more then to run into Willow and Tara's room and scream 'HE'S STAYING IN MY ROOM!' but she didn't.

Once inside the comfort of her room she grabbed her pajama's about to put them on when she realized he was still in the room. "Oh, I'll be in the bathroom. You can change in here or wait for me to get out. But other wise make yourself comfortable."

Leaving Angel alone she went to her other safe heaven. _What are you doing? _she though to her reflection in the mirror.

She wasn't sure why she was suddenly worried about sleeping in the same bed with him. They had done it the night before and millions of times when she was younger but with him being there so, dare she say normal Joe like, she didn't know how to feel.

"Confused that's for damn sure" she muttered as she pulled on her Pj's and slipping back into the hall.

Taking a deep breath she walked into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. "Want to watch a movie or something?" she asked tossing her clothes in her closet. "I rented this a few nights ago and haven't gotten around to watching it yet" she said holding up the new Salem's Lot.

He was sitting on the corner of the bed, unsure where he should actually lay down. "Sure, that's fine."

Plopping the dvd in she crawled up in bed and looked at him oddly. "I don't have cooties you know… you can lay down." Teasing never hurt to get rid of tension. And it worked.

Chuckling "I know." Angel pulled his shirt off and tossed it on the floor next to his jeans, climbing in next to her. It was weird not to pull her next to him like he use to.

_Ah shirtless Angel, okay relax! Think of Rob Lowe! Yes! Movie! Thank God for small favors! Now I can think of the movie! Not Angel being half naked next to me…oh god! What did I do? _Pulling out of her thoughts she pressed play and the movie started.

About an hour and twenty minutes in the movie and Buffy's eyes were huge. She couldn't believe what she was watching. Even Angel's face was one of discomfort.

Flinching and hiding her face in Angel's arm as Floyd Tibbits face crushes on the vent's grate. "Oh my god."

Putting his arm around her, pulling her next to him. "It's almost done…there its done."

Disgust evident on her face, looking up at him. "Can you actually do that!" She hoped vampires couldn't but she wouldn't put it pasted them.

"It would be painful but I don't see why they couldn't… do you want to turn it off?" Not taking his arm from around her.

"No…but I want to see how it ends! I'm too far in to stop now" making a face and cuddling into him more, laying her head on his chest as a pillow she went back to watching the movie.

Angel however didn't watch the movie as closely as he had. He was too captivated by the young blonde who was now resting against him, flinching into him when something got too scary, and even laughing at how dumb it could be.

In that moment he realized he was done for. There was no coming back this time. He loved her and there was nothing he could do about it.

**AN:** see I promised to go longer! Its not that long but its longer : ) ah and Salem's Lot! Awesome movie haha this thing is starting to sound like product placement haha Lost Boys from the first chapter, The Cure, now Salem's Lot haha anyways Review if you want its always nice to read! Elizabeth


	10. Chapter 10

CH. 10 

It was early in the morning and Willow couldn't sleep. Her mind was full of the events of the day before. _I shouldn't have left her like that, it was wrong… I am a mean mean person… _she thought. Carefully tossing her sheets off she slipped out of bed and made her way towards the door.

"Where are you going" a groggy voice came ever so quietly from the bed.

Sighing at being caught, Willow turned slowly to face her girlfriend. "I have to tell Buffy im sorry" her face mirroring the regrets she has inside about leaving.

Tara's sympathetic smile was comforting and before she knew it she was wrapped in her arms, hugging her back.

"You didn't do anything wrong Willow, but I understand."

With that Willow walked as silently as possible to Buffy's room and slowly opened the door. Peeking her head in she felt a rush of happiness and sorrow fall over her.

There on the bed nestled peacefully in the strong arms of a once lover and still friend was Buffy, looking calmer then she had since she'd come back. Even since before then. It broke Willow's heart.

_Why do things have to be so complicated for them? _she found herself thinking, unable to take her eyes off the slumbering pair. _There has to be something that could make things okay…a spell of some kind…A SPELL! THAT'S IT! _

As cautiously as had opened the door Willow left with the new found idea to find away to help Buffy get her happy ending. No matter how long it took she was going to find a way. _If I can bring her back to life I can find a way to help them!_

Much later that morning Buffy groaned, stretching out like a cat after a nap, opening her eyes slowly. It was so dark in her room, but she wasn't complaining. _I kinda like this dark room thing…hmmm _she thought while sliding out of Angel's arms.

Watching him lay there, his expression no longer hard and full of thought but actually looking like he was dreaming of something peaceful. _Do vampires dream? And if they do what do the dream about? Never ending necks? _She pondered, never taking her eyes off his sleeping form.

Angel stayed as still as possible but he wasn't asleep. He could feel her eyes on him and it took every ounce of strength in him not to let the half smile come forth like it so desperately wanted to. But it was too much to fight, "enjoying the view or do you watch all of your guests?"

Buffy jumped a little out of surprise. "Oh sorry! Did I wake you?" _I probably did, god im such a klutz! _

Chuckling low in his chest he propped him self up on his elbows looking at her. "No no I was up a while ago don't worry." Running his had through his hair and smiled. "Good morning."

"Good morning? Aren't you a little late on that…that goes before you get into conversation in the morning. You've been around long enough you should know that by now mister."

Getting out of the bed Angel stretched. "Of course, how could I have forgotten? Im very sorry." He grinned, picking up his shirt from the floor.

The whole thing was surreal. They were acting like they would if nothing had happened between them. No fights, no heartache, no one leaving. Just playful banter with a side of longing thrown in for spice.

Grumbling loudly Buffy's stomach made itself clear of what it wanted. Laughing it off while rubbing it some, she blushed "I think im hungry… if you want you can take a shower." Walking into the hall she could hear the faint sound of music coming from down stairs.

"I will later but I would like to change." With that he went back in her room to retrieve clean clothes.

She looked down at her DOTS pajama pants and shrugged. _I think they're cute enough to stay in a little longer_.

Once down stairs she was curious to see what all the singing was about. Standing just outside the living room and wanted to laugh but couldn't seem to get it out. Just inside was Dawn prancing about to a song she didn't know.

Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom,  
The children play. The stars gleam,

the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.

_What the heck is she dancing to? I mean its cute but what is it?_ She thought with a frown, folding her arms as she watches on.

The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you.

_Whoa what? I Die… With out you… _Immediately her brain jumped to thoughts of Angel. _I die… _Between the song and her thoughts she didn't seem to notice the very man of her thoughts coming down the stairs.

Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves.  
Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash.  
The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you.  
The moon glows, the river flows, but I die, without you.

She did know though. She knew he was there. She always would. Looking up over her shoulder at him, she caught his gaze and held it.

Emotions long left behind surging between the two of them from that one look. Not knowing what he was doing his arms found their way to her waist, slowly tugging her to him.

The world revives

Colors renew

But I know blue, only blue, lonely blue, within me blue

Without you. Without you the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats

Without you, the eyes gaze, the legs walks, the lungs breath.  
The mind churns!

The heart yearns!

Her heart was beating so fast it drowned out most everything, but she could still hear the song. A song that described how dead they both were without the other. Tilting her head up she closed her eyes, licking her lips slightly. Nerves screaming on end, just one kiss.

The tears dry, without you.  
Life goes on, but I'm gone.  
'Cause I die, without you.

His head moved closer towards her. The distance between them almost completely gone.

Without you.

He could feel her breath on his lips as his face got closer. Only a little closer and he'd be doing something he wanted to since he knocked on her door the day before.

Without you.

She could feel the tingle of his lips just over hers. Everything in her wanted this, longed for this, begged for it. She wanted to feel and he made her feel. She didn't want to be alone any more.

A sudden pounding on the door pulled them from their momentary loss of control. They jumped apart, staring at one another unsure and confused at what they had almost done.

Without you…

Xander having grown tired of standing out side waiting opened the door and walked in, "Hey girls- Dead Boy" he couldn't help his glare. Even after all these years he still didn't trust the man… the demon.

Still in a slight daze, Buffy shook her head. "I have to go shower." She ran up the stairs before Angel could even think to form a sentence.

He watched her go feeling instantly stupid for his actions. _What did I do_ he scolded. He'd done something extremely stupid and he had only made things worse for her. Or so he thought.

Buffy's heart pounded in her chest as she leaned against the bathroom door. She couldn't believe she'd almost kissed Angel. She wasn't mad at herself, or at him. She was scared more then anything, and that was why she ran.

She was scared if she opened up to him like that he would leave. He always left. _God what's wrong with me! Why cant I get him out of my head! …because without you… _she slid down the door, hugging her legs close to her chest, hiding her face in her knees, _…I die without you…_

**AN: **How was that! Ha…I kinda liked that! But um yea lol… SO today's my birthday! Woot! And I got the Rent soundtrack and was listening to it and was like "DAMN! That song so makes me think of Buffy and Angel!" so there you have why the song was in there… so Review if you want!


	11. Chapter 11

**AN:** sorry for the extreme lateness of this, its been crazy I have a few days of high school left (hell yes! Woohoo graduating!) and I got a tattoo, yearbook parties, prom and mah just crazy goodness all around! So sorry for not posting!

CH. 11 

Her shower had lasted longer then she'd meant it to, but in all honesty she didn't care much. It had given her the time she needed to think things through and come up with answers for the questions she knew would be coming from Angel.

Toweling her hair dry she opened the door, letting the whoosh of cool air in. Goose bumps prickling her skin from the sudden change in temperature. _Im going to miss summer_ she thought. It wasn't like she'd had been able to have much summer this year seeing how she'd been six feet under its warm sun and beautiful blue skies, but she was still going to miss it.

"Now to face the firing squad," she muttered, tossing her towel on her bedroom floor before trotting down the stairs.

Xander was the first to notice the reappearance of his long time friend. "Hey buffster! We were just debating the fundamental need of Scrappy" wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"Fighting?" Buffy asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"The dog" Dawn nodded, turning her attention back to Xander, "he was unneeded! All he did was charge in and get himself in trouble with that stupid 'puppy power' crap…it was kinda pathetic."

Xander twitches with annoyance. "Gah! He was so much more a group member then Rifraf! At least Scrappy could handle himself and wanted to help! He would do anything for his uncle Scooby, even charge in and fight to the end, he's a loyal pup."

With a raised eyebrow, "talk about yourself much" Dawn snorted.

"This is what you do to amuse yourselves while I'm gone?" Buffy mused.

"Hey I'll have you know we had a very in depth conversation about who could honestly drink diet soda but you didn't come then so its your fault" he nodded with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "So whats happenin? Demons and what not! Lets get the party started!"

"You have too much time on your hands" Dawn said, getting up and leaving the room.

Xander sighs, "Remember when she thought I was cute? Good times they were."

Buffy laughs, taking a seat by him on the couch. "You know we love you Xand." Laying her head on his shoulder, taking comfort in him and their never ending friendship.

"Really Buff, what's wrong you looked frazzled when I came in. Does it have to do with the tall dark and brooding one? 'Cause if so I don't want to say I told you so but-"

"Then don't… plus you would have had to know he was here to say I told you so" she points out.

"Oh contraire, see I can say I told you so any time I want because I haven't trusted him from the beginning" grinning some at his justified reason for I told you so.

"Why is that? Please tell me in your most condescending tone why you don't like the one person who always had my back no questions asked, and did nothing but help and love me more then I could have ever wished." Sitting up looking at him with fire in her eyes. Yes she was mad at him. She was tired of him always downing Angel in one way or another. _Who is he to say that, he's never done anything to equal what Angel has! _She thought.

Xander was stunned. He hadn't expected her to blow up at him over that. Normally she would just ignore it or just brush it off. He opens his mouth to defend himself only to be interrupted.

"He was always jealous of my looks." Leaning against the doorframe was Angel with a smug look. He hadn't meant to listen to their conversation but once he hard Buffy start to defend him he couldn't stop himself. He wasn't even sure why he had said anything but he did.

Both Buffy and Xander whipped their heads to the intruding voice.

Buffy flushed. She had been so upset she hadn't noticed him come into the room. She was quickly becoming less sure of her rant to Xander the more she looked at Angel. Embarrassment evident in her reddening cheeks.

But a half smile from the man whom she had all the trust in the world from brought back her confidence.

"I love you Xander but if you cant keep your comments about Angel to yourself then I want no part in the conversation." With that she gets up and walks out of the room, not even looking at Angel as she passes him and heads up to her room.


	12. Chapter 12

CH.12 

It was early evening by the time Buffy came back down from her room. It wasn't her choice but the need for food had become too much.

Sneaking down the stairs, listening for voices, making sure not to make any noise, it was moments like these that assured her she was the perfect slayer. She was built for this. Stealth was something that should be coined from her.

Peering into the kitchen to make sure the coast was clear she walked in and went straight for the fridge. Grabbing the first thing she could reach she was out the back door taking a seat on the steps, relishing the newly darkened sky and the cool breeze.

_Why did I ream Xander so bad earlier? _She asked herself for the millionth time that day. In her heart she knew why she had done it. She was defending someone she loved. But for some reason her brain couldn't comprehend that. It wanted logic not feelings and emotions.

A soft meow brought her back out of her thoughts. Looking down she couldn't help but let out a small 'aawww' at the sight of the small black and white face.

"What are you doing out here hmmm?" she cooed at the small ball of fur as she picked it up. "Oohoo you're so tiny" she continued to say.

As if talking back the small kitten meowed rubbing its small fuzzy head against her thumb.

"Are you hungry? Hmm little fur ball?" Setting the kitten on her lap she takes a piece of ham from the sandwich she stole, placing it in front of her new little friend. "You need it more then I do it seems."

As the kitten ate the meat in greedy bites Buffy scratched its back, running her fingers through the soft fur.

"You know I'm suppose to be out there right now. Protecting the ones who need to be protected. But honestly? I don't care. I could easily walk back into the house and not give a glace back. And yet I don't. I keep going out and risking my life for people who don't even care. I died and nothing changed. People are still killing each other, and things didn't get better. Why should I even keep trying?" She was exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. She was drowning under the pressure of trying to fight the good fight when she no longer believed in it.

The kitten meowed, looking up at her with big eyes. It melted her heart. "Things like you are why I still go out." Rubbing its little body causing it to purr loudly. "Is that not sad? I fight for kittens? Not to mention I'm having a heart to heart with one." Laughing quietly to herself, "what is wrong with me?"

She sat there for the next few minutes petting her new friend until its tiny form went lax in her hands.

Angel walked out the back door, taking a seat beside her on the steps. Glances down at her lap before looking at her with curiosity. "Who's your friend?"

Shrugging some, still watching the kitten sleep. "Dunno… it was out here when I came out and I felt bad." Nodding some she continues, "Its kinda cute you know? For a cat."

"Yea." Reaching out he scratches behind its ear causing it to purr again.

Grinning at him, "I think she likes you."

"How do you know it's a she?"

"Well…Because I say so is why." _And the childish come back award goes to-_

Angel chuckles some. "I see. So you going to keep it?"

Buffy opened her mouth then stopped. _Keep it?_ She hadn't even thought about that. How could she keep a kitten? She couldn't even keep her sister home let alone take care of something this small. But every time she looked down at it her heart went out to it. "I guess I could… what do you think?"

"I think if you want it you should keep it. Plus" he picks it up from her lap, holding it close to his face, "how could you say now to a face like this?" Giving his best innocent face while keeping the kitten scooped in his hands.

The sight was more then she could take. Giggles soon erupted from her as she rolled her eyes. "Well who could say not to that!" Eyeing him some, "If I didn't know better I'd say you were attached to it as well…tell me Angel…do you have a soft spot for the small and furry?"

Chuckling, "You caught me!" Looks around as if looking for people. "Don't tell anyone, it'll ruin my tough guy look." Grins a dazzling grin. Enjoying the friendly banter between them.

Buffy smiled, looking out at the night sky. _Why cant people see how great he is? How he makes things less complicated and how much I miss him?_ She thought.

"Kitten for your thoughts" he said, offering the small creature.

Sighing deeply, she takes the kitten back, letting her hands linger in his larger cold ones for a second or two longer then needed. Bringing the kitten back to her lap. "I was just thinking about how different things have become."

Frowning some, "How do you mean."

"Just-" sighing in frustration, unsure how to say what she's thinking, "I just don't know how we got here. What changed to lead us to this point?" Looking at him, searching his eyes for the answer. "Was it me? Did I do something to drive you away? I tried to understand but Angel…I didn't…I don't. Did I do something wrong? Was it me?"

His mind was trying to wrap around what she was saying but there seemed to be a mental road block keeping him from understanding. _She thinks it was her fault, her fault that i…she thinks I left because of_- and then it clicked. "Oh Buffy, no… I-"

"Did I push you away? I push everyone away. My mom, Dawn, my friends. And I tried so hard to keep you but did I push you away? Did I not love you enough? Please Angel tell me what I did, I want to know…I **need** to know." The tears that welled up were involuntary. She hadn't meant to go this hard but her mouth had a mind of its own.

He did the only thing he knew to stop her. He hugged her. Pulling her close against his chest. "It was never you Buffy." Leaning back just enough to look in her eyes but keeping her in his arms still, "I love you, I loved you then and I love you now. Nothing could ever change that you understand?"

A slight nod urged him to continue. "You did nothing wrong. You are the kindest, funniest, most beautiful girl-woman I have ever known." Tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, "I left because I didn't want to hold you back. I know it sounds like a line but its not. I wanted you to have the best life you could and I knew if I stayed you wouldn't."

"I didn't Angel… I-"

Shushing her some, pulling her back to his chest, resting his head on hers. "I know, and if I had known it would have been this hard on you….I…I would have stayed in town even if we hadn't stayed together. Buffy you are an amazing, loving person. You just have to remember that." Kissing the top of her head, "let me help you remember."

Buffy response was a mumbled something in his chest. He couldn't make it out but since she wasn't trying to push him away he figured it was some form of an okay. "I'm so sorry you hurt." With another kiss to her head he felt her shudder. "Are you okay?" he pulled back, looking at her with concern all over his face.

Biting her lip, nodding, "yea…I… it just licked me." Looks down weakly at the now awake kitten on her lap.

Chuckling. "Oh."

Smiling more. "Yea…"

After a minute or two she couldn't help but think _oh great more awkward silence…my favorite. _She had single handedly ruined the moment they had been having. A few more second went by before she quietly asked, "did you…did you mean what you said?"

Angel smiles at her, "every word." With that he slips one arm around her waist, scooting her beside him.

Buffy lays her head on his arm and sighs, taking much comfort in him. Letting the kitten walk across her lap and on to his and back.

"So are you going to keep him?" he asked, wiggling his fingers at it.

Smiling at him, unable to take her eyes off him playing with the small fragile creature on her lap. "Yea I'm going to keep **her**" grinning more. "I mean you seem to like her so much it would be cruel not to keep her."

"How kind of you" he quips, letting the kitten gnaw on one of his fingers. "Do you know what you want to call it?"

A thoughtful look appearing on her face, "uh… I like Wednesday… but that's too Adams Family"

"Too what?"

Eyeing him playfully, "Did you not live at?" Smiling an actual smile. "Okay so maybe Oreo… but is that too predictable since it's a black and white kitten?"

"I think its perfect." Petting the kitten, looking up at her. "Oreo it is?"

A few more seconds of thinking, but finally nodding. "Yea Oreo it is." Looking at the little thing, "Isn't that right Oreo? Hmm? Yea." Giggling as it licks her finger.

"I think this is a start of a beautiful friend ship." He nods, watching them interact.

Buffy laughs, "you big sap! If people only knew you as well as I do."

Angel laughs as well, "I don't think any one will." Smiling at her, still has his arm around her waist.

Sighing contently as she lays her head back against his shoulder, "I think I can live with that."

**AN:** yea I felt bad for not giving you guys any chapters for a while then giving you a super short one before so HERE! It's longer! ) THANKS for the reviews too!


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: **thanks for all the reviews! They're great and I love reading them! Haha dalmatiangrl2 you want the kitten? Please feel free to stop by here and pick up little Linde haha he's my inspiration for Oreo

CH.13 

She didn't go out patrolling as she thought she would that night. Instead she stayed up playing with the little fluff ball of joy laughing and poking jokes at Angel whenever she could.

All in all the evening was shaping up to be a rather enjoyable one.

Stretching out on her bed, looking over at Angel "you hungry?" Since she'd missed out on eating most of the day she needed to eat. _Who cares about being girly and not eating in starving!_ She thought while scratching her talking stomach.

Chuckling softly, "no but if you want I can go make you some thing." Standing up from his spot on the floor, looking down at her he can't help but smile. _You are so damn cute when you do that_ he thinks watching her playfully scratch her belly.

"Oooh if its something with cheese absolutely" grinning her best, batting her eyes a little.

"Are you trying to flirt with me to make you a grilled cheese Miss Summers?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

Giggling some, "Only if its working" she counters, sitting up fully on the bed. "So if it is then yes I'm flirting for my grilled queso but if not then I'm just being a tease."

Laughing lightly as he runs a hand through his hair, looking at her seriously. "You could never be a tease."

"What?" she asked while standing up, looking at him with a gob-smacked look. "I can so be a tease!" Walking up to stand in front of him, tilts head back some so she can see his face "I can be the best damn tease there ever was." Makes a silly face "I'll be the teasiest tease you've ever seen" strikes a pose that would qualify her as a tease…or possibly a dork… maybe even both in some books.

Holding his hands up in mock defense, chuckling all the while "Okay okay! I give you're the best tease."

Turning on her heel "Damn right I am." Unable to hold in the giggles, picks up Oreo and scratches behind his ears. Tossing a glance over her shoulder at Angel, "You going to stand there all night or am I going to have to flirt more for my grilled cheese?"

"I'm going I'm going." With that he leaves to make her a grilled cheese.

When he comes back he can't help but stand outside the door and watch her move around in side. The sight of her twirling around with the kitten was enough to make him smile for the rest of his life.

He couldn't understand why someone like Riley could have left her. Not that he was complaining any, he didn't like the boy from the get go.

Leaning in a little closer he could hear her singing softly to Oreo, "Loves the funeral of hearts and an ode for cruelty." _Loves the funeral of hearts… _he couldn't help but feel as though this were his fault some how. That the song had a deeper meaning to her as the few words spoken did to him.

Taking an unneeded breath he walks in, "got your grilled cheese" he offers lamely placing the plate on her bed.

Turning the music down some she smiles brightly. "Thanks! It smells really good, huh Oreo?" Taking a bite of her food, she pulls off a small piece for the kitten.

Noticing his change in his behavior Buffy sits down beside him. "What's up you've got a something face."

"Nothing, I was just listening to the song."

"Oh" Nodding in understanding. "I know what you're probably thinking but don't worry we have no wallowing in pity for us. Although it does really fit huh?" Getting up she makes her way to the cd player and grabs the And Love Said No cover and tosses it to him.

"They're a cool band. They sing a lot of songs that make me think of you... well us… you know what I mean."

"HIM…what's it stand for?" Looking over the cd case, taking note of the pale skinned man on the cover as well as the heartagram. _Probably thinks he's a vampire or something a long those lines_ he thinks. He'd seen this type before the pretty boy goth rocker who sold cheap songs about blood and pain.

Changing the cds out, not even bothering to look over at him, "His Infernal Majesty… and no that doesn't mean some satanic cult thing. They don't even go by that any more actually, just HIM."

He didn't really know what to think. He'd never heard of the band before, but that wasn't really new. Times changed and he didn't. His idea of music was Barry Manilow, not new age rocker stuff.

"They have this song though," she continued, playing with the cd's case in her hands nervously almost. "Its from their newest cd… I know this isn't your thing really but you should hear it, I really like it."

Angel smiles at her. "If you like it I'm sure I will." Okay so he didn't know but he couldn't say he didn't want to hear it, not with that look on her face that was screaming 'please let me share this'.

Smiling a bit more brightly she pushes the play button, taking a seat beside him on the bed. "I promise its not all loud like this…okay it might be but its good I swear."

Chuckling softly, "Buffy its okay…" he smiles at her, listening to the opening licks of the guitar. _Okay so it snot something I would go out and get right away but its not bad... its kinda nice_ he thought as Ville Valo began to sing.

Biting nervously at her bottom lip, _Maybe this was a bad idea_ she thought. But it was too late to go back now, the chorus of the song blasting out of the little cd player.

Hold me like you held onto life

When all fears came alive and entombed me

Love me like you loved the sun

Scorching the blood in my vampire heart

Angel looked at her. Really looking at her and how she refused to look at him. This meant something to her. She connected to this song, this band. The love and loss. It was rooted in her.

Pulling her into a hug, he kisses the top of her head.

Burring her face in the crook of his neck, she breaths a sigh of relief. Whispering against his cold skin, "I loved you more then the sun Angel…" Closing her eyes tightly, holding onto him as though when she let go he wouldn't be there.

What she said shook him to the core. His whole human life he had never cared about being loved. It had been about drinking and having fun, and now over two centuries later he had found it and it was killing him.

He did the only thing he could do, he held her the way she was holding him. How much he wished he could hold her and kiss her at the confession of how much she loved him, but he couldn't. Because one thing would lead to another and they couldn't risk that.

The curse was put in place to keep him from feeling pure happiness and it was. But it was killing her happiness as well and it only made him hurt worse.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN:** few days…turned into weeks SORRY! Life is crazy! But I got a job! And im going to London in a few weeks! So im all scatter brained but I promise im not forgetting you!

OH! And im realizing im throwing things in that haven't yet come out when this is suppose to be taking place (Rent movie soundtrack and now Underworld) but just go with me on it :smile:

CH. 14 

"This book mentions curses but nothing that I'm looking for" Willow whined tiredly, tossing the book she was reading aside. "Why does this have to be so difficult? They fought hard shouldn't they get a happy ending yet?"

"In theory yes…but you know its not so bad Willow, you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. You're smart and one powerful Wicca… you'll figure it out " Tara assures her with a kind smile that would normally melt her.

Getting up from her seat Willow paces the bedroom they share. "Why cant this be like the movies? Him being Michael and her being Selene. They make it work! Why can't they be like that?"

Smiling at her love, understanding what she's saying but still feels the need to be the voice of reason. "Because if it were like that then he would be all smurf like and wolfy and she would be a vampire… and I don't think you want Buffy to be a vampire."

Sighing dejectedly, taking her seat on the bed again. "No. I don't. I just want them to be happy Tara, that's all. I want my friends to be happy."

Taking her hands in her own, giving them a slight squeeze. "I know but sometimes things are for a reason. But I know that you're right about this and I'll help you with what ever you need." Giving her a soft kiss, Tara pulls Willow into a loving hug.

Groaning slightly Buffy pulls herself up from the floor taking a fighting stance. There was no way she was going to let one hit send her out of the game. She was stronger then this.

"You okay?" Angel's worried voice breaks the quiet of the basement.

Looking over at him, laughing some at his concern. "Yeah… it takes a lot more then a knock down to get me out you know that." Grinning more as she straightens up. "But if this is too much for you…"

She was toying with him, he knew it, she new it, the man across town buying groceries would know it too if he were there, but no one was complaining.

In fact the idea of letting out tensions that had been building up the past few days was more then welcome.

It was just an added perk that they were able to be so close as well as barely clothed.

_God bless sparring _she thought ideally as she watched Angels muscles ripple under his skin as he circled her.

_She is so beautiful when she's like this_ he thought as he lunged at her, only to be thrown over her shoulder with little effort.

Kicking his leg out as he landed, he caught her off balance sending her to the mat as well. Moving faster then any normal human could Angel was on top of her, pinning her to the floor. Grinning down at her, "you give?"

As if his weight were nothing more then a feather Buffy uses his own position against him, rolling them so she's now on top grinning down at him triumphantly. "No but I think you should…don't want to hurt your ego any this is what the 6th time I've pinned you in the last two hours?"

Raising an eyebrow at her, "Are you suggesting something Miss Summers?"

Standing up she offers him a hand which he takes. Laughing some, "Yeah…I think you're off your game old man" grinning at him teasingly, almost sad when he lets go of her hand.

"Old man? You really know how to charm a man." He laughs, shooting her a side glance as he snatches his shirt from a near by chair, playing with it in his hands.

As innocent sounding as she can "I do try."

Angel chuckles more, walking over to her. "Oh really? You sure that's charm and not...something…else." Coming to stand in front of her, looking down at her intently, brushing a stray stand of hair from her face.

Letting out a slow and shaky breath Buffy takes a small step closer to him, closing the gap between them more. Licking her lips as she leans up, her heart racing and her mind clouded.

Leaning down to meet her soft pink lips, they kiss a slow and reminiscent kiss, reacquainting themselves with each others lips.

Deepening the kiss, Angel snakes his arms around her slender waist, pulling her against his chest. As if taking her cue she slips her arms around his neck, letting out a soft moan as their tongues duel for dominance.

"Buffy have you seen my black mini skirt I think I lost-" freezing in her tracks midway down the stairs Dawn stares in shock. "-it… never mind." Running back up the stairs as fast as her legs will let her.

Buffy and Angel spring apart at the intrusion, unsure what to do… or what happened. Breaking the silence first, "I should go see uh, I should help her find that skirt." With that Buffy is out of the basement before Angel can even make light of what was happening.

Cursing himself, "Damn it…" Sighing in frustration he puts his shirt back on. He knew it shouldn't have happened like that. That it was too soon to do anything like that. Hell it was bad to do anything. They had been tempting fate the past few days playing this game of house and now he'd gone and screwed it up. _Way to go Angel, smooth real smooth _he thinks.

But as much as he was upset with himself he couldn't truly stay mad at himself about it. His mind wouldn't let him. Because no matter how he thought about it it came down to her and nothing else mattered.

She was like a virus infecting him in every way possible, running through his veins forever. A burden he didn't mind having.


End file.
